reading all of this made me cry. Thank you everyone for all the things you've said... I can't express how much these responses mean to me. I can't talk to anyone I know about it and they just judge me and don't understand. Its really nice to talk to people that understand what i'm going through.

I know I don't wanna be with my BF.. I can't manage uni and him at the same time. its too much for me and I know that. But I just become so weak sometimes. even now.. its been 2 days and all i think about is if he'll call me or not or if we'll get back together and I can just forget about everything else. But i know I can't do that. I need to get help and get through this and do good at uni. Engineerings really important to me and its the most important thing to me. Ive dragged this on for 2 years now. I need to stop. Its just really hard coz I know what I have to do..im saying all of this now.. and never actually do anything. I'm sick of being that person.