MorningStar -- stay strong!! -- I am so glad you posted here; as you have seen, this is a wonderful, supportive community.

Almost exactly one year ago I went into the hospital because I was suicidal, and I stayed there for more than a week. It DOES get better. Please do not give in to suicidal feelings, no matter how appealing they may seem at the moment. Believe me, it will, eventually, get better.

Sending you warm thoughts of hope and many hugs!