It is extremely painful to give up the fantasy of being the most loved or favorite client. In hindsight, Nightsky, I was very fortunate that my therapist never ignored or fed into that fantasy -- we talked about it often and he was always very clear about not having a favorite, and he always explained why, reminding me that it's never good for any client to be the favorite or even to believe he or she is the favorite regardless of how good or how healing it feels at the time.

I remember some of your posts from last year, and how your therapist would just smile when you asked if you were the most loved, and I remember wishing he would address the issue with you and help you work it through before you (or another client) were deeply hurt. It saddened me to see what happened to you, but I am glad that you were both committed to doing whatever you could to repair the damage and reach a healthier place in your life and in your relationship with him.

There is freedom in giving up the need to be the favorite or most loved. When you realize and accept that there is no favorite, you no longer have to work to maintain that special status. You can put more of that energy into understanding and changing your own behavior instead of being so focused on getting the most love from your therapist. You can put more energy into other relationships with people whose expression of love isn't constrained by the boundaries of the therapy relationship. This will likely be painful for awhile because the wound was so deep, but in the long run I think you will be more at peace and more satisfied with the results when you can love and be loved by others without being chained to the past.