“Sounds like you have a FEAR of actually achieving??? Have you figuared out why that is?”

Thanks, Pegasus. I don’t know if I have a fear of success. That’s possible, I guess. It could just be me sabotaging myself due to low self esteem. There are lots of possibilities. I’ve read mountains of self help books, over the decades. Haven’t focused on that problem yet (fear of success – in my gut, I don’t feel like that’s the case. But it could be, I suppose). Perhaps I will one day.

Yes, Rapunzel, I’ve heard of Learned Optimism. I’ve been learning about Seligman lately. I’ve got “What You Can Change and What You Can’t” on my coffee table now (along with the other self help books). Haven’t started it yet. (I put down “You Can Be Happy No Matter What” to start “Ask and It Is Given.” I’ll work my way around to Seligman eventually) Yes, I know there are life coaches. I need work to have enough money to pay them to help me. Something else for the “someday” list. I went to the local junior college career counselor, instead (she’s free). Got some suggestions, but nothing I could really act on. I was told I should be a writer. I AM a writer!!! Since that’s not paying off, at the moment, I need ANOTHER suggestion (or 2 or 3). She gave me others, but they were things I've already done.

Thanks, Sky, for the suggestion of finding a therapist who specializes in PTSD. I’ve asked around but haven’t found one yet. One day I will, I expect. (When the student is ready…)

Meanwhile, I’m dealing with depression and fear of the future – I’m too old to be smack in the middle of nowhere. And alone. No spouse, no family, no job, no holdings…and no clue as to what to do with myself. I’m like those mice who starved because they learned that nothing they did would get them food, even though it was just beyond their noses. They just gave up trying. I’ve tried so many things for so long with (little or) no result – learned helplessness is my way of giving up, I guess. Just too pooped to keep struggling for nothing and totally out of inspiration. Sigh…