I am currently feeling depressed and thinking about my childhood. I am 21 years old and for the past 7-8 years I have lived with mostly my grandparents and went to my mom or dad's house almost every weekend during high school. I can barley remember how I was like in the past decade+. I can hardly remember how I was like before and even during high school. Right now I am going to a community college and fear what the future will bring. Lately I have wanted to get out of my grandparent's house and move back in with either of my parents. I favor moving in with my mother more than my dad, because I was somewhat of a mother's boy while a child and I cannot remember when I grew out of that. I used to like getting hugs from my mother, but cannot remember when I stopped? Right now I like being alone, but that is when I feel depressed more often is when I am alone and have nothing to do, which is usually when I am not in school because I am not outgoing which is making me depressed. I am almost always on my computer or iphone and don't really like talking with people. I don't really have things in common with other people my age. I have the thought of wanting to move back in with my mother, but I think that is impossible because she got remarried 7 years ago and her and my stepfather had two kids (my half sister and half brother). Also my brother rotates between my father and mother every two days and every other weekend. My mother's house is a 3 bedroom house. My brother and half brother share one room and my half sister has her own room. I kinda have my own room at my grandparent's house, but it is somewhat small and I have to share the closet with my grandmother and she also has a small dresser in my room too. I feel cramped in the room. This also ties in with why I don't want to move in with my dad because the room I would have there is smaller than the room at my grandparents. I have spent around 8 years in the same room and the things are almost the same. I also feel awkward around my grandparents because my grandmother has babied me somewhat over the years and when I got to the 17-18 year range they expected me to drop everything and start acting like an adult out of nowhere. Also I don't really get along with my grandfather all that much and I don't remember when that started to happen. I just don't know what to do. I have tried anti-depressants, but they didn't work for me. Also I have tried psychiatrists but cannot seem to talk about me feeling especially with my grandmother around. I usually let her talk and just nod. I am really getting tired with the way my life is right now and don't what to do or what I want.

Thanks for reading/listening

-Dragon2010.