I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time, Kaitie.

Have you talked with your T about these things? It's his/her job to help you find a healthy way to work through the emotions that you're struggling with. Calling the following number is always an option as well. They can help you find available resources in your area, listen, and offer their emotional support.
1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Thank you for coming here to share how you're feeling inside. Of course, almost all of us can relate on at least one level. I encourage you to come back and talk whenever you need a helping hand, a hug, or someone to listen. There are lots of terrific and supportive members here. Hope that you get some relief very soon.

Gentle hugs to you ~ best wishes sent your way!