I was always being blamed for things that I now know happened when I was dissociated but I never felt the way you do. before I was diagnosed with DID I had DID symptoms of losing time, not remembering things, having people tell/blame me for things I didnt do..all this went on since before I was 5 (my youngest dissociation into alters was at the age of 2 or three, possibly younger since my youngest alter that was known to my treatment providers was a yr and a half) I didnt begin integration until I was 26-29. that means as far as my treatment providers and I can tell I had been dissociating where alters were taking control for at least 25-30 yrs. So for me alters taking control of my body was just something I grew up with and was a normal thing to happen.

It may sound strange to some but for me what was hard, strange and sometimes infuriating for me was being integrated - being the one in control all the time, not having alters taking control, I could no longer rely or place blame upon the alters taking control of my body. before integration I remember many times looking at my therapist and saying sorry wasnt me it was red, green or blue that did or said that, nope wasnt me, all the while having no feelings of guilt, remorse anger.... After integration its like "ah sh... that wasnt the right thing to do and cant even say wasnt me...." full of guilt, remorse and other emotions. But all things considered I wouldnt change anything if I could.