The fact that you are here writing means, at least to me, that you have not given up. I am sorry you are struggling so much, I first became depressed at 14 (maybe earlier) and had no idea what to do. My teen years were pretty miserable, but I eventually got help as a young adult. I'm 42 now and my depression and anxiety or usually under control. You say you don't want to exist and you don't know why. I have a couple of thoughts. First, it sounds like you are depressed, which doesn't surprise me at all when you describe how your parents treat you and talk to/about you. And the second I kind of already mentioned, your parents. I am so sorry they are not more understanding of what you are going through.

One last thought, the medication. I understand your desire not to take it. I can tell you that without medication my life would be a mess. I still have depressive periods at times, but when not on medication I often feel completely hopeless and out of control (even when I have supportive, caring people around me). Some people just have a chemical imbalance, I seem to be one of those people. I am not telling you to take medication, as I don't really believe in telling people what to do, but did want to share with you that my belief is that it COULD be helpful for you.

You are in a tough situation, I know that must be difficult! You are feeling depressed and have very little support around you. I hope you will not give up and keep posting on here. You can definitely get better! And if you ever want to talk more, I am always happy to listen.