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Would a parent who causes their child emotional trauma that results in personality complexes be considered abusive. Neither of my parents was capable of demonstrating love. They seemed to be unaware or, unable to address, our emotional needs. I have read that lack of love during childhood results in many personality issues. I am perplexed by this question: when a parent fails to demonstrate an acceptable amount of love for their child, are they abusive parents. When someone realizes that they suffer from a defect caused by childhood, what is the first step in recovering?
I am 54 years old and after serious reflection, realize that my parents were grossly inadequate. They failed to show love, they seemed to be completely indifferent to our social development, frequently made promises they failed to deliver and believed that physical punishment was acceptable. It is my opinion that they were abusive but, I cannot think of any specific event that would lead me to believe that they were purposely abusive.
I am not certain that I ever loved my parents. I wonder if this “lack of love” would be a bi-product of not having any. During my adult life, I have continuously sought relationships where I would be abused. My first marriage lasted 23 years and continued until her death, she was very emotionally abusive and an alcoholic. The second marriage was to a woman who suffers from bi-polar one disorder. That relationship ended after a serious assault. Since then, I have dated three women and every one of them seems to have provided me with a certain level of emotional abuse.
I believe that I am seeking this abuse as a result of my childhood. I can’t seem to figure out how to break the cycle. I have taken many personality tests and have found that I am the mercurial type. I have also been tested for all the normal disorders, each of them was negative. I am struggling to understand my incestuous need for abuse.
Can anyone shed some light on this subject? I am stuck in the hypothesis and can’t seem to evolve beyond it. During the last few months, I have relived my childhood over and over again. I can see the pain I suffered but I can’t seem to feel it.
Ideas or theories would be greatly appreciated.
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