yeah you learn that people have scary feelings and that it's not all genetic although I had thought that for a long time but things are still painful you know?

And, as I often had, you end up not being able to handle things and just listening to the same audiobook that you practically have every word of memorized because its calming to know all the words for some reason.

And then you never study for anything because you want to lie in bed all day and you feel all these magical feelings of normalcy and they screw you over in the end.

And you end up cutting your damned arms and you feel like a little bastard for doing so because you were to much of a wimp to really cut yourself deeply and the blade hurt and you stopped and YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE JUST DOING IT FOR ATTENTION....

...although it was a bit of a rush.

Thanks for letting me vent