My mania is returning.

It's my turn to get up with the baby and feed him tonight plus I have to getup for work tomorrow by six. I commute almost an hour one way ad it's a long day Monday through Friday. And here I am.... Can't f*ing sleep!!! I can't stay asleep more than five minutes. I'm wired and riddled w anxiety. So what am I going to do? Take an ambien in hopes that I can sleep
And make my husband get up fOr the feeding instead.

Know how I know the mania is bad? Ambien doesn't effect me.

This life sucks. I hate this. I just want a normal life. All I want to do is cry. I'm angry this is the hand I'm dealt. I can't keep my mania in check to save my soul and it's making me miserable. I hate this Life. Hate it.