I'm not sure what happened. She just couldn't get this thing out of her head, and even though we were perfectly happy, this thing popped in again. She said she's not strong enough to fight it, and doesn't want to make me sad every time I see her sad about this. So she said she loves me more than anything, and even if it's painful, at least this puts an end to suffering after a time, unlike the uncertainty of the state we were in.

I'm not ok, thanks for asking. It's the first time a breakup feels so horrible. But it's probably something common, I'm nothing special about this. Just feeling lost, don't know what to do with myself, can't focus on work, I feel alone as **** (because I am). Yes, I know that time heals, I just need to distract myself, but that's not what I want. I feel like I lost more than just this. And I don't want to fight her to get her back, if it will be the same. I always trusted her, so I can't ignore what she feels, what if it's true? Can I change that? Can I prove the opposite to myself? Or will this just be a "the one that got away" type of story?