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May 14, 2012, 06:45 AM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Bless your heart -- I'm so sorry you didn't have the Mother you needed. I don't know your story, but obviously it was very difficult for you. 
My own Mom and Dad were alcoholics. They fought constantly both verbally and physically. WE were not beaten (my 3 sisters and myself) but we were totally ignored. We were just "there" much like the furniture. We got no love, no hugs, no praise, no pats on the back for good grades, no nothing. We didn't have curfews, they didn't know where we were most of the time. They really didn't care. We just had sense enough to come home at "decent" hours. Needless to say we ALL grew up kinda screwed up, all with depression problems. I've been in and out of therapy all my adult life.
I finally realized that my parents gave ME what THEY had been given. They couldn't give me what THEY didn't have. For them it was a vicious circle. I broke that circle with MY kids and lavished attention on my kids -- they never wondered if I loved them, and they got hugs & kisses galore. lol I "tucked" them into bed until they left home!!!  They weren't too thrilled about that. LOL
Sweetie. there's a saying: Resentment is the poison I take to kill you. And it's true. If you resent someone, all it's doing is hurting YOU. The person you resent doesn't even KNOW that you're hurting that much. And depending on the person, sometimes they don't even care! So what good does it do? It just hurts you.
Yes, it's hard to forgive. But forgiveness FREES you from the bonds of hate and resentment. It opens up your heart to loving of others. It frees your mind from the constant barrage of thoughts of the one you're resenting and the bad memories of the past. Those need to be buried and put to rest so they can't keep hurting you.
Please talk to a therapist so you CAN get some closure to this. Perhaps a therapist can help you find a way to forgive your Mother -- it IS possible. I have long ago forgiven my parents and we ended up having a good relationship before they died, which I cherished. Please do it before it's too late.
I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee
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