Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoabeans
My husband and I both have bipolar disorder and anxiety problems plus he has ADHD. We are happy together though, but together is enouigh. I tend to have psychotic symptoms from time to time. I struggle with taking care of my basic needs, hygiene, sleep, food. Last month I might have eaten once a day and most days? Once a day meant a small bag of chips. I'm underweight and lazy. We make little income and struggle to pay for meds sometimes. I tried going off medication (mood stabilizer and antidepressant, antipsychotic) last week, because I didn't have money and it was hell, I forgot how bad I am without meds and let's ignore that I smoke and, drink excessive caffienated beverages, well over reccomended dosages. I do not like children, even as a child I didn't, and would not feel love for even my own. I wasn't abused as a child, I was loved and sheltered so, it isn't that I'm afraid. I'm just a horrible person and I know it. I care for others but, this is so different.
Honestly, I feel a child that would have to grow up with us or shares our genetics is better off never being born. I'm a horrible human being for that but, it is truly my perception. I'm not even depressed. And I feel worse because an abortion is such an obvious choice. Aren't women suppposed to feel inner turmoil? Mourn or something? None of that matters to me.
It isn't confirmed, maybe it is just physical and emotional stress.
Hope...
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No, women are not 'supposed' to feel inner turmoil. Some women feel inner turmoil, some women don't. I don't think I would.
It doesn't make you a bad person at all. If the choice is obvious to you, then great! It makes the decision easier.
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age: 23
dx: bipolar I, ADHD-C, tourette's syndrome, OCD, trichotillomania, GAD, Social Phobia, BPD, RLS
current meds: depakote (divalproex sodium) 1000mg, abilify (aripiprazole) 4mg, cymbalta (duloxetine) 60mg, dexedrine (dexamphetamine) 35mg, ativan (lorazepam) 1mg prn, iron supplements
past meds: ritalin, adderall, risperdal, geodon, paxil, celexa, zoloft
other: individual talk therapy, CBT, group therapy, couple's therapy, hypnosis
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