Thank you for the support guys and girls , it's really helpful. I think I vented enough for today, I feel a bit better, but only because I managed to distract myself... it won't be any better at night or tomorrow.

I'm still puzzled about my story though. Still trying to figure out what would be a "fix" to the root of the problem, and where is the problem?

My main question now is: can I love someone and at the same time my subconscious love someone else? Or how does this work? What if she's right? How do I get rid of it? What if she's wrong... what if all my feelings are true? What if there weren't so many what ifs?