****MT**** I'm stuck in a vicious catch 22 cycle!! Hello my new friends. Well, it's been a week since my last post. But, unfortunately nothing has really changed. In fact, it has probably gotten worse. My partner (decided even though he's my EX-husband, he is still my CURRENT partner) just can't seem to accept my diagnosis of DID.

****MT**** He has been searching the same website for more videos of me and he has found several more. I really wish he'd stop, but it's just eating him up. So, they are extremely graphic. They seem to fall into 2 types. In several of them, I am actively participating and it seems to be very consenting. ****MT**** But in several others, it looks like I am basically allowing myself to be raped and abused. In the worst one, I am with 3 men at the same time.

My partner flips between anger/disbelief/disgust to being supportive and concerned. He flips between believing I'm DID and that this is clearly an alter acting out to I'm a liar who is leading a double life who doesn't love him. I understand that he must feel horribly betrayed, hurt and confused. He simply cannot wrap his head around the idea that my flesh and blood body is shared by several people. He can't understand that I have no memory of any of this and he is upset that I can't summon the alter out to confess. He's been to several therapy sessions with DID experts, so he is educated- he is just not processing it and understanding it.

I'm so torn on what to do. Part of me says that I need to leave the relationship, at least temporarily. But I (host) love this man. We've known each other for 30 years. We were married for 18 years and we have 3 children together. He is my best friend. I only have one other person to confide in about this besides him and that's my sister who lives on the other side of the country. I keep thinking that he will work through this phase and that I just need to be patient. But, we go round and round, talking for hours and never resolving anything. We don't talk about anything else anymore. It seems that the more pressure and stress I'm being put under to communicate with my alters, the deeper into hiding they are going.

I really do want to figure this out. #1) What happened to me when I was little that I even created my alters? #2) What happened 3 years ago? There's a ton of unanswered questions. And #3) Most importantly, what is this alter's story and how can I help her?

I'm hitting an extremely frustrating and painful roadblock. How did your diagnosis of DID affect your relationships? How did you handle the shock and the fallout that followed an alter acting out?