I am in unbearable emotional pain right now. I don't want to call the new T because I don't want to risk going to the hospital again (I'm uninsured and last time it was $10,000. Also the last time they literally did NOTHING to help me feel better. No counseling or talk therapy with anyone. The only thing they did was give me drugs. And as a side-benefit I could distract myself with the goal of acting well enough to be released ASAP.

i simply do not want to live. You would not believe how empty my life is. I absolutely hate this life with all my heart and all my soul. My days are filled with emptiness. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to be with my fiancé (or anyone else for that matter) and he doesn't want to be with me (can you blame him?)

I just feel so closed in. I can't breathe. I can't get out. I can't escape!