I'd also like to add a corollary to that last item stated in the Yahoo article from post #9. The last item on the list says it's a red flag if your family and friends can't stand the person you're dating. They're not always right, but probably they're seeing the red flags you've got your eyes shut to.

Flip side of the coin, if your partner's family and friends can't stand *you,* it's also a red flag. They don't have to be right about you. They probably aren't. Maybe they're all a bunch of dysfunctional addicts and/or codependents trying to keep your partner trapped in the crab bucket. But if they are extreme and persistent in their dislike of you, it's not going to get better. Nothing you do, no amount of kissing their hind ends or jumping through their hoops, will satisfy them. And the chances are great that sooner or later they will convince your partner that you are poison, and that they are the ones who have his/her best interest at heart. My husband was able to pull me out of my family's crab bucket, but I think it's rare that it actually works. Even if Mike were not in my life, it still would not be healthy for me to associate with my family of origin, since they systematically undo all progress I make in therapy. Let them blame Mike for turning me against them all they want, that's not how it happened. And the consequence is, my family and I live nearly 3,000 miles apart, and I meant it when I told them I am never crossing the Kentucky state line again.

In general, though, if your partner's family and friends don't like you, your partner WILL usually choose them over you. Cut the strings before that happens, so it won't hurt as much.