Quote:
Originally Posted by Splintered
I don't even know where to start. I had a bad flashback a week ago and I've really been struggling ever since. I'm beginning to become aware of how unsafe I feel all the time and I don't know how I'm ever going to feel safe. It doesn't seem possible. My t told me to focus on this moment and that I'm safe right now but then I'm constantly worrying about the next moment where I might not be safe. If I'm only safe in this moment then it feels like there's no chance to relax because I might not be so safe in the next one. I know the chances of anything bad happening are slim but there's still a chance. I don't know how to feel safe when something bad could happen at any moment. I have a t session in 3 hours and I'm scared to leave the house to go. I nearly called to cancel but I know it won't help in the long run to hide away. It just feels so overwhelming to think of going out of the house. Which is something I struggle with at the best of times. I'm tired of living like this and I don't feel very hopeful about it getting better.
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I can relate. I had an incident happen that triggered me. As a result, I didn't leave my home for almost 8 months.
I was fearful all the time but by that point, I had so much piled up, I couldn't take one more thing. My coping mechanisms didn't work anymore.
(I could not go outside of my home unless I was "ready" but the more I stayed in, the more the outside scared me)
Since starting T, my T reminded me that a "flashback" is a memory, and I am safe now. It can't hurt me.
At first it was hard to grasp ... but over time, I just keep reminding myself "it's just a memory. it cannot hurt me".
Also, I had a serious flashback just last week that threw me into a complete panic. I called my T.
Unfortunately, she was in the middle of appointments so only had a very brief amount of time to talk...
BUT...fortunately, she was in the middle of appointments, and after talking around it, I just blurted out my deepest fear to her (trying to hurry it up I actually told her my biggest fear!).
And all of the sudden, I felt a weight lift off me. Truly.
No matter how hard it is for me, I make myself go to T. Especially when I don't want to.
You can do this! You are not alone. You can heal and you CAN start to feel safe again. If I can do it, you can do it
It's still one baby inch at a time, but I'm getting through. It's not easy. But it's worth it.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.