Welfare today is called TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.) This is a federal/state program that replaced AFDC (Aid To Families With Dependent Children.) It is administered by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services. Both programs are defined as being intended to help households where there are dependent children.

As a single adult, living alone, I don't qualify for TANF. Some states do have a fund to help needy single adults who have a disability. In my state I could possibly qualify, as a disabled person, to get $245/month General Assistance. I believe one criterion, for a person with my work history, is that I have an application for SSDI pending. Even with that, I'm not sure that my state would consider my psychiatric diagnosis as disabling.

To my complete amazement, I have just been given an extension of another 13 weeks of Unemployment Insurance Benefits. (The limit now is up to 72 weeks for persons coming into the system at the time that I did.) I am required to be looking for a job - contacting at least 2 potential employers every week and keeping a written record of those contacts. While getting UIB, I would not be eligible for the General Assistance described above.

I was thinking of trying to get a job as a home health aid or non-medical home care attendant. I have a strong sense that no one would hire me because of my history of job failures. I have a strong fear that I might get so anxious about going into someone's home that I would just quit the job. Then I would also lose eligibility for the UIB that I now get. If I managed to work successfully for awhile, I fear I would have little chance of getting my application for SSDI approved.

Basically, in my heart, I kind of believe that I have 2 options: "Go find a job and do it, or go hang yourself."

This Therapist that I recently got said to me, "Have you considered that you might never get SSDI?" I replied to him, "Are you kidding? Fear of that happening occurs to me a hundred times a day, and that has me living in a constant nightmare." He said that I seemed angry. I said that I felt frustrated to the point of exasperation. To me, that was a senseless question. And his point was that it might be best if I were to go get a job. He said something about me using my anxiety "as a crutch." I believe that he has, in essence, labeled me as a "malinger." "Worst of all, 85% of the time, I find myself thinking: "That's really all I am."