Hi unhappyguy. You sound a little better. I would like to add that I DO believe you CAN recover from childhood neglect/abuse. No- I KNOW you can recover. I lived most of my adult life trying to figure out a way to not live. I didn't want to end my life but I sure didn't want to continue it. And being gay did not help that at all. Thankfully I found a great T that has worked with me specifically on FOO issues. It was difficult to say the least but I no longer want to end my life. And I am OK with the gay thing. I don't date still. I have some intimacy issues. I don't go to bars as there are not any gay bars where I live. Nowadays it is hard to sometimes tell who is straight or gay. And I am seeing an attitude of "who cares"? I spent lots of years caring. I hope you get the opportunity to go back into therapy. Peace.