Dark Heart...what you've described with your husband is exactly what has just started to happen with my b.f. After two years together I'd only seen momentary flashes of anger, but I would have called them justified (e.g., someone hitting a child in public). Since stopping the smoking, he's still pretty calm day to day but the incident over the weekend was after he'd been drinking. When I didn't "share" the fight with my sister with him right away, he was upset and felt I was hiding something from him. If the same set of circumstanced had occurred three or four months ago, he would have simply said, "Sorry about the fight with your sister, let's talk about it later when you're ready." I'm 100% certain the pot was self-medication for him...he's not American and ADD is not widely diagnosed in his home country...we've read 2 or 3 well known books on the subject and, based on the self-assessments and patient stories in the books, are pretty sure that this has been going on since he was young.

He also distracts himself with video games and a lot of internet reading (mostly history and sports) but after reading the books has tried to turn off the computer several hours before bedtime. He's very open to learning about this (he has also bought books on how to impose boundaries) but the explotion over the weekend was pretty darn scary to me.

Is your husband on any medication? I think my boyfriend will benefit from this but, right now, his health insurance doesn't have behavioral health benefits...he has scheduled an appointment with his primary care, so maybe he can prescribe something.