Well, since last night I decided I really am falling apart right now, even if nobody else can see it.

I mean the anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, severe depression, cutting, flashbacks, and unfortunately, yes, suicidality all points to something bad.

I'm going to partial on Tuesday and my resource coordinator (like an ICM) is coming Monday...so I'll get to talk to someone about this stuff. I just hope I can hold on that long. I still have to get through the weekend.

Last night I had horrible nightmares. I woke up and started to cry. I'll write about it in the Survivors of Abuse forum when I get there. But I just am really trying so hard just to stay...here.