I sympathize. It wasn't effortless for me--this is my 5th marriage. During the time between 4th and 5th, when I was dating, I got offered sex a lot. One man was married and up front about the fact that he was looking for a mistress, not planning to leave his wife. Even though I told him it was a deal-breaker and I wasn't interested, he still offered sex. It's everywhere, but love is hard to find, and I wasn't going to let mere sex be a substitute for it. I finally got to the point where I decided I would not accept another loser in my life. It's not as simple as that, but yes, I think you do have to get to where you just won't put up with it another day. (By the way, I wouldn't have accepted his offer even if he did tell me he was planning to leave his wife. They can lie and say that. Divorce papers in your hand, dude. That's when I'll consider you available.)

When you kick the losers out of your life, that makes room for the winner to come in. Mr. Right doesn't lure a woman away from her relationship. He has no way of knowing she's not happy in it, and no decent man would choose to be the cause of a breakup. So don't be stuck in a bad relationship, thinking it will "do," trying to make it work when it won't, and miss out on the man you don't have to try and "improve." Not easy. Not effortless. But it can happen.