You'd think after 6 years after the event that I wouldn't still have flashbacks or nightmares about my ex bf making me touch that little girl...or seeing her face in my dreams...but I had one last night.

It was strange. I'm sure it was a good dream but I didn't like it. I just woke up crying. In the dream my ex and that little girl were in it and I was able to open the case or something and get rid of all the stupid charges against me that I wasn't even guilty.

As soon I woke up, I could still see that little girl's face and started crying...her face is so beautiful but I know the pain that hides behind it. It was the first child I couldn't save and it will haunt me forever.

Ya know, I've been in intensive therapy for the this and have talked about it extensively, but for some reason all this stuff won't go away. I work on it and work on it to get rid of all this pain and hurt and suffering that I feel but for some reason it's not going away.

I seemed to get rid of the really bad dissociative stuff (trances and stuff like that) but it's like the other things won't go away.