New T.

Why should I have to show you my thighs where the cuts are? I've never had to show old T, I don't show anyone that part of my leg. Do you think I'm lying? I don't think I like you. I don't want to see you anymore. Can't I see a T I already know from group? You gave me your number to call if I needed... I don't trust you why would I call? And even if I did one full day and two half days is all you work, and you're on the inpatient unit most of that..

Old T

I hate you. You left me. You knew how much I am struggling and you just left. You said you knew I was in good hands but I hadn't even met new T. There was time while you where gone where I had no one. And even now, you know me, did you actually think I'd trust her and be honest with her. So MAYBE once I know her I MIGHT but during our 1st session I'm meant to tell her the high suicide urges are starting to be more than urges? That was never gunna happen. It hurts so much to know I rely on you so much and to you I'm just part of your work. It's not that I want to be special. I don't. It's more that I'm thinking about you and you leaving and how much you've helped me and you won't think of me at all. Why am I so f**king attached? Why can't I be like you and not care? I hate you but I don't want you to leave.

Psych.

Our appt is Thursday. Should I tell you how unsafe I am? Or continue with my vacation and just see if I survive a weekend alone? If I tell you I'll be locked up. And you trying to lock me up is always hard cuz I see you over the bridge and I live on this side meaning this is the hospital I'm meant to go in.

I feel awful because I promised you and old T a million times that I had no plans behind this weekend, and I didn't. But I'm not sure now.

I don't want to lie but my family can't know anything, especially not while my cousins are away and my auntie and uncle arebaby sitting me.

I reLly hope I can be honest with out getting locked up or a phone call home.

I'm not sure what I need you to do but I really am counting on your support Thursday. I keep saying to myself just gotta get to that appt..