I know why you wrote this because there are people here who understand and care. Of course your afraid who wouldn't be? The idea of having to be alone after 19 years of marrage where you've built a bond, a foundation a safe place against the terrors of the world. Your going to need support call your family. Families have a way of overcoming the distances. Call your therapist, even if you feel like trying to live a life without treatment, now may not be the time to try it.

Good luck kj.