wanted to sit with my feelings.

she found it hard seeing me look so powerless when I had so much strength.

I didn't feel strong. I wanted her to sit with me. That was all.

All I could feel was how disappointed T was in me.

I wanted so much for T to sit with those feelings...not to baby me...just to sit there.

'You do care about me don't you?' T didn't give me an answer. She said we would discuss it next week including my reasons for asking. Then I told her that I always knew prior ts had cared but I was never sure she did. T said it was related to our dynamic.

I feel I need some support but nothing could be worse than feeling like this. I feel like I'm dying after sessions sometimes, the pain is so unbearable. I just want someone to care that's all...is it wrong to want that? To ask someone?

I wish someone would accept me for who I am..all of me...whether I'm in the dark or not, hiding under a blanket or not, writing stupid notes to T or not. I wish I didn't feel such a hopeless failure always after something I can't have.