With such long standing abuse (from age 5 to 15?), I don't know how possible it will be to get back your stolen adolescence. But when you do find someone (and you will), he will have to be the type of man that deserves you. He will be the man whom you can tell about the abuse and who will take things at your speed. It is always better (regardless of abuse) to have someone who matches you well than to just settle for anyone. Honestly, I didn't date in my teens (by the way, I really don't think there is such a thing as a "normal teen") and only really had serious boyfriends in my 20s. Before that point, I found that the men I was meeting really were not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. And, I also made mistakes. I probably scared away plenty of good, mature guys due to my own issues. Honestly, at any age, it's really about trial and error...what makes two people a good match is not definable...that's why there is an entire forum here devoted to relationships and communication....WE ALL struggle with relationships...romantic, familial, platonic friendships....

Why do you think you're hideous and repelling....?