((((RainbowRoad)))),

Yes, PTSD is a challenge and very hard for other people to understand. What you are discribing of your feelings is what most people suffering from PTSD feel. It is VERY important that you make sure to BE VERY KIND TO YOURSELF. No one who suffers from PTSD is at fault for any of it. And it is going to take you time AND THERAPY to work at it, understand it and work THROUGH it.

It is very important that you find a therapist who specializes in working with patients that are struggling with PTSD. AND, I strongly recommend that when you do start therapy that you make sure your husband also sits down with the therapist and learns HOW to properly support you.

Make up your mind that you will have a journey ahead where you will have to concentrate on you and MUST establish a safe place in your home where you can get rest and feel safe. And you have to resign yourself to the fact that there is no time limit on recovery and that you have as much time as you need to do your recovery work. Do NOT allow yourself to feel guilty, IT IS NOT AT ALL YOUR FAULT AND YOU ARE IN NO WAY WEAK and YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN either. It only feels that way sweetheart.

Also it is not unusual for people to live through abuse and block it off and move on with their lives only to have the experience/trama surface with PTSD even after many years. This can be very confusing, just know that it does happen and you are NOT being punished in ANY way. The more support and validation you recieve the easier it will be on you and always remember, no matter how bad/guilty you may somehow feel, that WILL ease up in time. It is ok if you need to distance from friends that do not understand. You cannot worry about anyone else but yourself right now. Yes, it may seem like any stimulation is hard on you, you may not be able to do things like you used to do like the reading, that will eventually come back, right now you have to slow down and do your best to stay safe and try very hard not to let yourself feed into the feelings that come with PTSD, and some of these feelings can be bad and discouraging and frightening and confusing and tiring. Some memories will be hard as they bring foward a lot of emotion and senses of some kind of guilt too. But don't let yourself feed into it, and it is hard not to sometimes. It will get hard for a while but it will also ease up as you slowly address it.

I am sorry that your father hurt you, it was never your fault no matter how much you may feel it may be somehow.

Remember we are here to listen and support you and help you as much as we can.

((((Lots of big hugs for support))))
Open Eyes