whiteroses, have you tried reading the book, "Codependent No More"? I haven't read it, but I have heard good things about it. It's by Melody Beattie. I believe there's also a workbook.

Do you have a T that you can work with? A T or group therapy can help you with grounding techniques to help you when you feel anxious. Some of the things I'm learning about now are breathing techniques, mindfulness, and healthy ways to distract yourself. A T might also be willing to work through the workbook with you -- sometimes it helps if you have to be accountable to someone.

Try to take care of yourself!