Had a horrible day today. Of course there is the fact that I didn't sleep. I get these nights occasionally with one extreme being total insomnia and the other being hypersomnia sleeping 12-14 + hours a day. In other news for some odd reason the voices have been bad today and usually my voices are just a couple of times a day with seeing things as well. Today it has been constant. When I got up this morning I was hearing talking between two people (of course mom and dad.. the usual) that wasn't out of the ordinary since it was in the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep as mentioned before. In fact I wrote some of the posts in the middle of the night my time. Then music started coming out of my computer. I thought it was an ad (it wasn't Pandora or YouTube playing None of them were going on at the time) so I shut down everything on my computer and it continued. Some of the music had words, other songs had just instruments playing. It got worse from there. When I was at a place when there was no one in the area, I heard this young female voice (maybe teenage to early adulthood... I am 29 though) that was making fun of me and calling me worthless and stupid over and over again. More stories like that throughout the day. I am embarrassed about one of the things that happened and that was I saw the blinds on the windows doing weird colors between the blind and thought for sure it was a code for an alien attack. I am so scared and I don't know if it is sleep deprivation (I don't think just 24 hours would do all this and more) or something worse. I have actually been getting more hallucinations (according to outsiders who tell me that they are not real) as the days progress. I am scared that I am going to go in the hospital and I refuse to ever go back. I am also scared of that I am thinking more and more about hurting myself. I know I have been depressed since March of this year (at least more depressed than my usual self) and had some so called "psychotic" symptoms since then as well. I do have a stressor coming up and that is my mom's billionth surgery. She has 1-2 a year... at least. That is if no infections which she gets a LOT of because of realism. I hate being a realist but in reality it means I am more in touch with reality than the average population. Mom is real to the extreme. That was my exciting day.