whatever controls this universe has a cruel and ironic sense of humor. i have agoraphobia and trying to work towards having my dream job requires me to go out and meet people and even perform for people. i have an appointment tommorow that will help me with that. im really anxious about it though and im recognizing the physical symptoms of anxiety more than ever. my muscles tense up so much that they start to ache and i feel like i have a boulder on my chest. im not sure how else to deal with it right now but to vent in this post. i think im good at what i do but im still really anxious about my future. the fact that im doing it alone makes it harder. i need some courage and some confidence. anxiety makes me feel weak and i dont like feeling weak.