Reading your thread, it seems to me that your marriage isn't really one sided, but your wife is setting back & letting you prove yourself for all the time that you had been blowing it with your alcoholism.

I know that is about what I would do. I left my husband for other reasons.....we've been separated for 5 years & I have no intention of going back......but I left him with the comment that if he really wanted to change he would prove it to me because there was nothing more I could do & I could no longer tolerate what was going on in my life with him. I emotionally withdrew from the marriage long before I left......& left it up to him to prove that there were going to be the necessary changes to make the marriage work (we were married 33 years before I finally left).

My guess is that you feel it's one sided because that may be what your wife's thinking is......he has to prove himself.....so it's going to feel like it's all one sided because you are in the process of proving to her that you are going to continue being the different that the marriage takes to survive.

I can guarantee that after a huge blow up in a marriage that it never would go back to the way it was....so to expect that to happen in not a logical expectation on your part. The best thing that can happen is that you do prove yourself to be off the alcohol & to be a dependable husband & father.......then the marriage can go from there.

So to say, the ball is in your court.....so it's gonna look one sided for awhile.....something you need to deal with & accept that she isn't going to blindly accept your change without good solid proof......from there the marriage can be rebuilt.

You didn't have a good marriage for 20 years....maybe you loved it because you were allowed to be the alcoholic that you choose to be.....that satisfied YOU, but it didn't satisfy your wife. You didn't have any regrets? You didn't regret being an alcoholic for all those years & mistreating your wife?......if that's the way you truly feel, then if I were your wife, I wouldn't bother with the marriage either.

If you truly do care about your wife & your marriage & your kids.....you won't get smashed again......it's your choice....it's your behavior. What do you really want in your life.....your alcohol or your wife & kids?