It sounds like you have a tough situation there, newtus. Lots of challenges. And your support network is very thin. That's why I wish you'd reach out and find some help. I know you hate mental health professionals, but they're not all cut from the same cloth. If you shop around a bit - and stop making shocking violent comments - you might actually find someone who could help you get your feet under you. And, frankly, you can be of more support to your father if you're healthier.