Hmmmmmm, lets see now, your 22 year old, 8 years ago when your drinking started to get really bad was already 14 years old & probably had some pretty good values already established by that time.....your younger children (especially your 13 year old) was only 5 years at the time you started with the hard alcohol & the abusiveness.....do you kinda think it might have had some great effect on your 13 year old's values & view on life? Your 16 year old was only 8 years old at the time.......same comment applies, but the younger the age, the more drastic effect those things have on them.

The basic facts are that our children mirror our values as parents in most cases......as parents we are the initial example they get of what life is like & what life is all about & the younger they are when we are a bad example, the worse it's going to effect them. Your 13 year old didn't just magically start having problems or having the values you now find them with......those values come from what they take from their parents & from their surrounding peer group....but the biggest effect comes from the parents.

It's easy to complain that the problems they are having are messing up our life.....but we have to first look at ourselves & realize that our lives probably messed them up in the first place & we need to work on the whole family issue....not just their problem but our own also.

I know taking responsibility for our own behavior is not the easiest thing to do.....nor is recognizing that we need to take some of the responsibility for the problems our children are dealing with.

We have a whole lot of people here at PC whose lives have been messed up by their parents...especially alcoholic parents. It's not something we can't correct, but we can't fix it if we are in denial of our problem or how it effects our children. Being a responsible parent these days with the way society is going is hard enough.....but when we throw in our own issues into the picture that add to the mess, it makes it even that much more difficult.....not impossible....just more difficult.

I think the family therapy & all the therapy & counselling that your 13 year old is going through & 16 year old needs is a good thing......but you need to have a positive attitude toward the help your 13 year old so desperately needs rather than complaining about it.

I'm sure I am sounding a bit hard on you.....but I have read so many posts on people who have been so negatively effected by their own alcoholic parents & I know many IRL who have also......that I just can't sit back without commenting on it. Being a husband & parent is hard enough....but when our judgment is clouded by alcohol, it makes is impossible to set the good example that our children need while growing up.

I am sure that you will come to understand this responsibility not only to yourself & your marriage, but to your children also & do the right thing with your drinking. You said you have thrown away your alcohol.....but then you also talked about getting smashed today. Life is never easy but we can't use it as an excuse for abusing alcohol or any other drugs.....we have to step up to the plate & deal with the life we have.....it's up to you to show your kids what kind of life example you want them to follow.

Not sure if the example you have been showing them is really what you want for them follow......only you can make that choice.

Two really good movies to watch are Fireproof for the marriage & Courageous for dealing with your kids I found to be very inspiring & provide some very good food for thought.