I went to the session, and T was very straight and direct with me. She said she consulted with some other professionals about how to handle my attachment issues/blow-up/pushing her away, and she shared how what I did made her feel. She also shared how it feels to see me so stuck and still holding on to the illness, which was really interesting to hear.

T said she shared all of that with me, because she is really invested in me and that she wants the same in return. She said that she's not invested in all of her clients and wouldn't be so direct and and put in the effort with them. (to be clear, T isn't some awful person- she also works with some court-ordered clients who have done beyond imaginable things and aren't really there to grow. They're there because they have to be and don't care. I know she puts forth her best effort and wants the best for people). It was nice to hear that I am one of her clients who she is really invested in and that she's angry at how I'm not giving up my negative/ineffective behaviors and wants so much for me to be able to live a full life.

I apologized for my actions and how they impacted her and made her feel. I also shared with her more details about my attachment to her and that I really will put forth my best effort in therapy and in my life.

I don't think I'm explaining the session very well at all, but it was humbling, eye-opening, and touching. I have only 5 sessions left with her before I move, and I'm so grateful to have her as my T. I'll miss her so much.

I told her for next week that I want a session where I can talk all about fun, happy things, and she thought is was a great idea! I'm usually such a mess in session, and I really look forward to sharing another part of myself with her. I'm super excited