I'm all over the place mood wise which is whatever a phase but, this feeling I just hate how it makes no sense!

I'm happy. I feel like hell, anxious, unhappy, miserable, pessimistic and self destructive but, I like it. I feel good! Happy about being unhappy. I can't shut up about what is wrong with everything and everyone. I don't want to sleep, I want to stay up and stew in my own negativity and I hate it too. I'm not happy.

Contadict much?
I am not enjoying the tension but, maybe it is exciting like a horror movie or better yet a horror comedy.

I don't even know. I want a word for this feeling! The "poles" so to speak, have collided, bent together, tied in a knot, not letting go. My moods have commited some taboo.