hi - ive not rvd a diagnoses yet, i have an assessment next week

i am only just realising/coming to terms with the fact i have had problems nearly all my life, never mind how they have affected everything

i wrote this this morning when i couldn't sleep and felt vulnerable

i wanted to share it with people who might understand and found this forum

if it matters, im a 34 yr old female with 2 children and an amazingily supportive partner

Scared

Nothing i am stands in isolation anymore.
Everything I've done is tainted by WHY I did it.
WHO am I?
What parts of my history are me and which ones are 'the illness'.

Panic

If I can't run anymore, now I'm aware its running...
What next?
How will I cope?

Stategies

I need some.
HELP PLEASE