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Old May 16, 2012, 07:20 AM
Red_Cyclops Red_Cyclops is offline
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Member Since: May 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 117
Hi there - welcome to the forum. I am new to it myself, and have found it to be very helpful and supportive. I can absolutely relate to what you're saying. I've been struggling with BP my entire life, although I was just diagnosed within the last 5 years, at around age 36. I often ponder the idea of what is "me" and what is the "illness". I choose to look at it as one in the same to some extent. I am bipolar, and it causes me to feel certain ways and do certain things. I am just who I am, and being bipolar is one thing that makes up who I am, and it is a big part of me.

Regarding you words about being scared - I feel the same way. I often ask, "who am I really"? My history is just what it is. It is not necessarily defined by my illness, but bipolar has definitely played a part in everything in my life. But again, the illness is just part of me, so it really all comes down to the way I view myself. I don't use bipolar as an excuse, but it plays a huge role in everything I do, and often times I do or say things that are ultimately a result of my disorder. But it is still "me", and I do my best to keep my moods and issues under control. Regarding panic, I've learned to stop running. I've accepted my issues and I know that I will need to be on meds for the rest of my life in order to function correctly and be a father and husband. I have an anxiety disorder as well, so I do my best to stay in control.

Good luck with your appointment and let us know how you are diagnosed. Be sure to ask a lot of questions and remember that you have some say in how you are treated. Only you know how you feel, and you just need to be honest with your doctors.

Hope this helps.
__________________
DX's: Bipolar II, ADD

Cymbalta 120 mg
Lamictal 100 mg
Xanax XR .5 mg
Vyvanse 70 mg

Prior meds: Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Pamelor, Pristiq, Lexapro, Viibryd, Abilify, Zyprexa, Geodon, Seroquel, Depakote, Klonopin, Buspar, Gabapentin, Focalin, Concerta, Deplin
Thanks for this!
BipolaRNurse