It is insane how much of that makes so much sense to me, it's like you wrote down my toughts. Scary.

I can tell you one about the job part. Right now I'm rightfully employed and struggling BAD with my PTSD and my job. It's sort of a horrible place as it is, but with my condition it's like I'm torturing myself on daily basis to the point my health is taking a bad toll. I've been on it for almost 3 years and I tell you that I feel just like you just explaned going on SSI, such a hassle, such stress and I can't understand for the life of me what's the point of busting my *** off when all that matters is the paycheck for all the bills and I'm short with all of it.

The frustration goes beyond words to me. I don't care what my family thinks at this point because I've been on both sides of it, and it doesn't make it any better that you would go this route and try to please everyone else with a job you hate, on top of it all, in a hateful and horrible place that will accentuate your PTSD.

I had a point somewhere, sorry I feel like I can't even concentrate well at all anymore.

All I wanted to get through is that, when your PTSD is bad I guess it sucks either way. And therapy only works if you want it to work, I've been in and out of it but fact is, it's hard for me to realize any progress when I move forward one step then I feel all suicidal in a second because of - whatever triggered me - and then it's like back to square one.

Do what doesn't hurt you.

If you can't handle a job for right now then just don't. The oucome of forcing yourself (I did) is far much worse in my humble and truly biased opinion.