Quote:
Originally Posted by fishsandwich
When they made me see one, it was a bunch of questionnaires about my mood, my psychotic state, some kind of 'danger to self or others' assessment. They took a medical history and did some very basic medical tests - like they took my blood pressure. They asked a few questions about whether I smoke, drink or take illicit drugs....
...And you can tell them about your voices or not, as you please. Remember, they can't make you take drugs if you don't want them and you're not trying to hurt anybody -- so it should be 'safe' to tell.
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hm. im well aware i suppose.
just extremely nervous.
maybe they cant now.
cause they arent being sent my history.
luckily.
idk what it always is about trying to play it safe so much with that 'intent' thing.
other than bypassing committal.
i actually wish i could tell them how i really felt.
but ill be in hospital so fast i couldnt blink. a LOT.
i do really wish i could openely speak about it.
i told the last therapist this. then she asked the 'intent' question. i denied it up and down. even though the answer was 'yes'.
i started lying after i went in the 4th time when i was 15 or 16.
i learned fast.
i suppose ill tell the truth if i feel id end up in a bad place. idk...i dont want to be seen as weak. i grew up a tomboy. still am. im not lesbian or anything.just a serious tomboy. (thats what you can get from being raised really by your father with a mother always skipping off on parental care).
anyway
i remember bashing someone in the head in high school with a t1 calc. throwing desks/chairs at teachers, even in hospital at staff, stuff like that.
out of fear.
of people
and the situations id be put in.
i got tackled by two men when i tried to escape an adolescent ward.
i peed on floors
im not...idk..
im...not proud of this stuff.
no. im not. at all.
i guess what im saying is....
im afraid of myself
im impulsive
so when i have these thoughts
i sometimes ask myself 'when should i tell?'.
do you know what im getting at?