I read everything and take it with an open mind, wow U are grate U take no corners about the truth,why wouldn't my wife just open up,or maybe she did but I was to rapped up in myself to actually realize,I felt like nothing was wrong I was stupid,I learning more everyday and also alot here at this pc site.I messed up got smashed not on whisky my feelings got smashed.I feeling like a punching bag here,I have had some beer but I haven't had any issues with it yet.I was drinking a 5th a week,haven't had any and will not have any.Things are so bad here I can't make choices is only 1 sided ,my wifes side some days are ok but mostly there terrible.My 13 year old got diagnosed ADHD today so with that we can get her properly medicated fingers crossed.My 16 year old we did a pop up drug test on her after she was out most of the weekend and thank god she tested NO DRUGS.Now myself and wife not good we clashing bad had a terrible blow up.I believe like U all saying after me being drunk at around 20 to 30 times in 43 years lol all my fault I am bad, I should just suck it up and be the punching bag be the 1 they can all abuse let the disrespect me, don't stand up for nothing just sit in the corner and shut up,I get talk to lol just couple minutes ago my 13 year old talk to me like I am a little kid lol I said ok honey what ever I can do to make your day nice wow is this what we want is this the right way to destroy love unconditional love is it ok!!!? to be bashed over couple mistakes I admit I was total in the wrong I made bad choices I get it ok I messed up hand full of times but now to make choices when I can barely even stand being at home now,I have never been so feelings crushed,I wouldn't do this to my enemy if I even had 1.My drinking was a problem ok I really do understand but my drinking isn't why all this is happening drinking is just the only thing my family can blame on me that there is the truth. story short ok 11 year old caught with 18 plus males ok was start,then the drugs pot,pills,sneaking dads stash whiskey in garage,then to B @ E 10 days in jail,lock down 7 days sucide watch,sneaking out over night as she pleases,that there is what is the problem ,problem not my drinking,never was,I couldn't do anything to keep my girls safe I wasn't aloud to I was under a scope my kids run my house cause that there is what the courts said I doing everything by the book trust me I have many many meeting a week with probation officers,court every Thursday fast track2 times a week(family counseling),well it caught up with me now I have no life now I do what I am told,here's the kicker I pay all the bills I do most of all the house chores,lawn everything they laugh make fun of me and I can't do anything and they know it isn't my drinking!!!!! My life sucks I am sick and tired of rotating around everyone else,just try to imagine doing what you are told for the last year put your self in them shoes.No love boat I am here to tell you it totally sucks.My drinking was my escape from everything,Only personal thing I had in my garage alone lol ust to have now lost that as well.