I was determined to go to church this morning. My medicine wasn't enough to counteract the fear walking into church on Sunday morning creates. I didn't sleep. I remembered my nightmares when I did sleep. (My new med has been taking my nightmares away and letting me rest peacefully.) I woke up with a headache and turned on the a.c. and rested a bit more to see if the headache would stop. Bottom line, I didn't go. Now I'm so upset with myself for not going. I can usually manage Sunday nights but the crowd is much smaller. I just don't know... I'mn so disgusted with my Sunday morning fears. It's driving me nuts.

If I can go to WalMart, why can't I go to church? Aargh!!!!!!!!!!

I am trying to create a life for myself. I know I can do it, but maybe I'm going about it wrong. I would like to go back to my home church, but it's on the same street my ex and his new wife live and it's where we went together. It's also a long way from here and I don't have the gas money to get there. So....

Angry, sad and triggered

Jan