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It sounds like you need to be in therapy. Have you ever gone to a therapist? Can you go??? Get in touch with a good therapist, and try to arrange some sessions -- you need someone to talk to about your issues.
If that's not possible, at least call your medical doctor. Something needs to be done. You can't keep going on like this.
Let us know what happens, ok? God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee
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