I do feel very thankful for many things...but with that gratitude comes a great deal of shame and guilt. I just don't understand the memories, childhood blackouts, and strange flashbacks that come and go.
I've started a journel to help me put the peices back together.They come and go..so if I can write them down they won't dissappear and one day they might make sence.
I've had very bad experiences and very good experiences in my life. I just don't understand how they all fit. It's as if my life was split in two. I can say with complete honesty that until by breakdown at the hands of my ex- I had no memories of these experiences. I held on to the good and was in complete denial about the bad.
I guess it's important to hold on to both of them if I'm ever truely going to understand and be happy-truely happy.
I guess humility and gratitude can go hand in hand. I have many things to be thankfull for...