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mcl6136 · May 17, 2012, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missrachel33

Hi all. If you have read my other posts, you know I’ve been seeing a female T for about a year now (I’m a gay female). We’ve certainly had our ups and downs. After some issues, I wrote her an email about the problems I had with her – and also let her know, in a round about way, that I was attracted to her. She never said anything – until this week.

I was talking about a former “infatuation” I had, and she said, “do you have those kinds of feelings in here?” I was blown away. I certainly didn’t expect it, and didn’t plan to answer. I’ve been attracted to her for quite some time. I’m not in love with her, but it’s a pretty strong physical attraction. Nothing more.

I couldn’t answer her at first, but eventually I mustered up the courage (stupidity?), and told her that yes, I was attracted to her.

Her response seemed fine at first. She didn’t bat an eye, and said that this happens often, and that it’s normal.

Then she said, “you know I’m not gay.”

What on earth made her think that I think she is gay? I can be attracted to a heterosexual and NOT think she is gay. Wasn’t expecting that one. And quite frankly, I didn’t ever want to know about her sexual preference!

She then said that “you know you can’t expect anything to happen, and because of my profession, it’s absolutely unethical.”

Well I knew that too, and I know she has to say that. But it seems as if I finally tell her I’m attracted to her – and she immediately assumes I think she’s gay, and that I think something would happen? I’d never think those things – ever. And I never once thought she was ever attracted to me. I’d never think that.

I know as a professional she has to be SURE I know nothing will happen. I think she handled it ok, but I’m still offended. I think it would have been enough to say “You know nothing can or will happen, and it’s totally unethical for that to happen in a therapeutic setting.” Seems like her response was overkill to me.

I don’t think she is, or ever was, gay. I never would act on my feelings, EVER, and I’d never ever think she would act unethically, in any way. And yet the moment I tell her I’m attracted to her, she assumes I think all of the above. How can I not be offended?

I do plan on talking to her about it all. She had also said to me, many times, “just because you have feelings, doesn’t mean you have to act on them. “ What on earth have I ever “acted on?” I’m a very moral, appropriate person, and have respected all boundaries in that office. I admit my attraction, and I end up feeling completely ashamed and totally humiliated - though I know that was NOT her intention. Maybe I am too sensitive? It was so hard to admit, but I just feel terrible about it. I think that has more to do with me than her. I do think she was appropriate, but it was …odd. Maybe it’s me.

So, just wanted some advice on what you guys and gals think. I think the most obvious offense was her immediate statement, “I’m not gay.” Maybe she was the one who was offended? I think this is strange, and just wanted some input before my next session.

Thank you!!

I would find her response really annoying were I in your shoes. It seems kind of beside the point what her own orientation is...it's almost like she felt compelled to get her hetero ticket punched in addition to reminding you, in a perhaps patronizing way, that nothing could happen.

Both things have little to do with you in a lot of respects. OF COURSE you knew both of these things...right?

You wanted to deal with your feelings, not her boundaries or her orientation. Am I at all on-base here?