((((CB)))) I can relate. Sometimes when I remember the positive things in my life I feel very sad immediately as I am thinking of them, or right after, as well. It's a default or something. I don't know exactly when it started but I also have memories that come out of the blue (which I didn't or couldn't remember).

My T and I are working on rewiring my thinking so I remain positive and in the moment when I remember the positive things so I don't try to sabotage myself. I think it's part of the Dx to do this actually.

I think we are so used to waiting for the other shoe to drop, the type of thinking you described is a protection mechanism, so we don't get hurt again.

After a certain age, it is as if every time something "good" or lovely happened, immediately after something totally horrible would happen and I was traumatized...so I got to the point to where I couldn't even be happy anymore (I was terrified because I started to equate good thing = trauma)

To immediately feel sad or depressed or discouraged after remembering great things is frustrating, I agree. And to feel numb (in shock) by the traumas (I think) means you aren't ready to face them yet (too painful. I have some of those. I have a complete panic just thinking about talking about some things with my T).

But it also makes perfect sense in terms of our brains trying to protect us from any more pain

I hope you feel a little better and will be a bit easier on yourself. It all makes sense really.

(BTW, when something comes up for me (good or not so good), and I get upset (depressed or down), I'm working on asking myself, "What would I tell my best friend...?" I find it is usually MUCH kinder and compassionate than what I tell myself). Maybe this will help a teeny bit.