Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
Oh gosh, I just realized what may be happening at my next t appointment... He said he wants to try a few techniques to bring out someone, if he can... I don't want to move that fast. I don't even want DID to be that confirmed yet. I'm not ready to handle this. I told him "anything that can get me feeling better" but with my state, I'm afraid that may make me worse.....
I want to get better but... What if it brings out a seizure, or what if it brings out someone else? No doctor has officially met another alter, that I'm aware of at least. I don't know if he will even get anywhere. But I don't know if I even want him to.
I want to keep dwelling in the shadows, keep myself blind to what may be going on internally. I really wish this would all go away. I just want to sleep until I can feel normal again. I'm afraid to be awake because of all of this, but I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid I wont come back from that sleep for quite some time.
Next Thursday... Next Thursday my life might change. I don't know if it will be better or worse but right now, the changes lately haven't been better so I just don't know. I'm totally freaking right now. I don't want anyone to know. This is a small town, my hometown. If they know I have DID, oh gosh... He already put down my abuse in the computer. I'm in the system.
OK I'm freaking out... Sorry to post, not trying to take up the forum so I didn't post a new thread but if he does encounter an alter, I just don't know what will happen. Bad things happen when they come out. My body doesn't do bad things but when they come out it's always due to something bad happening... Who would come out, what would they say and how would they act? I spent my whole life keeping secrets of this abuse. I can't risk them telling those secrets... I tell what I want to tell and nothing more... But for them, I really don't know....
I just don't know what to do. Sorry for posting. I'm pathetic I know... They have been nothing but good to me, helping me through everything. Yet I'm terrified to know they are there, terrified to know how many or who... Sheesh, I'm pathetic...
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breath purpleflyingmonkeys take time to breath..
I dont know where you are but here in NY USA therapists are not allowed to call out alters and therapists are not allowed to make a diagnosis of whether someone has DID or not. plus the diagnostics say there must be two or more alters. So if they speak to one of your alters you still wont carry the diagnosis of DID. talking with only one alter just confirms a "suspicion" of any of the mental disorders that carry the possibility of having alternate personalities, ego states, and other types of alters that come with many different mental disorders.. in order to be diagnosed DID here in the USA you will need to see psychiatrist and many other types of doctors and do many many tests. before you can be called DID..
the new diagnostics not finalized yet does include seizures but talking with an alter wont work to find this out.. if your treatment providers are thinking you have DID because of seizures you will have to under go physical and mental testing to find out what kind of seizures you have.. the new diagnostics are going to require a special kind of seizures, not those that come with epilepsy or any other known seizure problem. the type of seizures with the new proposed diagnostics are conversion type seizures not medical type.
conversion symptoms come with many mental disorders example a person with major depression can have seizures because thats how their body is showing their overwhelming sadness and other depression symptoms. treat the mental disorder - depression and the seizures stop.
this is the kind of seizures your treatment providers will have to look for once the new diagnostics go into affect.
Now if I remember right not so long ago you posted in the anxiety/ panic forum that you now know what your black outs and seizures are - your anxiety, grand mal seizures and may be the result of doing mushrooms...
that right there rules out not in DID on the new proposed diagnostics if they are using the seizures specification because the treatment provider must state what kind of seizures they are and another diagnostic states the problems cant be because of drugs alcohol or other physical / mental health problems.
so Breath relax.
and its your body. your treatment provider can say they want to call out your alters but you have the right to say no and let them know the USA ethics does not allow treatment providers to call out/ force out alters. you can also contact your states ethics committee that over sees therapists in your location and talk to them about where this kind of breach of ethics falls and what you can do about it if he attempts this anyway... which would also fall under the heading of abusing a client here in NY.
that said -
congratulations on finally having another therapist. I know you have been looking for one for a long time.
