I didn't know all that about your brother, or your history. I was just going on your reaction to his reaction, which was so much like my reaction to our rupture last year, where I got TOTALLY weirded out by my T.

But this is where I learned, that by holding out for the "best" guy that fit my mom's standards, I ended up with absolutely the worst fit for me (and not too great by other people's standards, either, unfortunately!), and ultimately ended up alone, because no one is "good enough", unlike my perfect FOO. Riiiiight... You always had to be the bigger person to accommodate your brother, so did I, although in a different way. You were the peacemaker, that's also always being the bigger person. But I told T today, I should have stopped turning the other cheek after age 21 and started standing up for myself, cos the family just thought I was stupid when I didn't react to THEIR stupidity! Oy vey! Anyway, great letter, great insight, it really came fRom YOU. I bet ya knock his sox off!
I LOVE these weird unplanned moments - I wonder if there's a word for them - where then you make this quantum therapeutic leap that you don't see would have happened if this mistake hadn't occurred, if the sign hadn't been there for him to trip over!